Q and A

I said,
“I’ve come to you with this misery —
scathed by life, the ego unscathed —
to offer you the entire bitter lot.
Are you put out?”

She said, “Rest.”

I said, “These troubles!
I must have been born at a dark moment!”

She said, “I called you.”

I said,
“How will I dislodge the mess, the grief;
bring in a little peace?”

She said, “Ask.”

I said,
“You listen?
By now I’d think
I’d have sunk you in trivia.”

She said, “Talk to me again…
walk next to me.”

I said,
“How can I tell you what I really want
when all my decent thoughts are undermined?”

She said, “In silence and intent,
which never cease, nor lose their power.”

I said,
“But my mind teems with junk, with trash,
as if demons are inside.”

She said,
“Your heart runs on above their ebb.”

I said,
“But see what I’ve done, what a path I took!”

She said, “It brought you to me.”

I said,
“What must you think of me, or call me —
I must tell you I’m weak-minded, even unrepentant —
I’m blundering through follies still…”

She said, “What I’ve always called you:
My own.”

I said,
“But I’m full of wrong desire —
stuck in matter…”

She said, “It doesn’t matter.”

I said,
“But how shall I get help?
Till now,
no one could help or change me…”

She said,
“I’m here. That’s all of life.”

I said,
“I only want to die…”

She said,
“Death took and returned you.”

I said,
“I set myself against the whole world…”

She said, “And neither side shall lose.”

I cried,
“I’ve hurt so many…”

She said, “Withhold. I love you.”

I said,
“If only I had more time to put things right!
Oh God — the time lost, time misspent, misspending…”

She said, “There’s nothing lost.
Your fault for chopping up, then judging — rent —
what I call one.”

I said,
“How can I struggle on? How go onward, reach the end?”

She said, “Stay.”

I said,
“There’s such a wall shutting me out
from all I want, and I can’t break it…”

She said,
“Can’t you see I’m standing on your side?
Together we destroy it.”

I said,
“My mouth has brimmed with malice…”

She said, “Kiss me here…”

I said,
“but the evil I’ve seen, my own the worst!”

She said, “I love your eyes.”

I said,
“Inside, I’m void…”

She said, “I come.”

I said,
“I can’t attain you…”

She said, “Beloved.”


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